Career War Story:

My "Proud to be a Tyrant" Boss Did a 180 on Himself - And the Profound Lesson It Taught Me

I’ve had plenty of managers—good, bad, and ugly. But this story took the cake:

In the late 90s, I worked for IBM in Sydney, Australia. My manager at the time was a classic, old-school, "proud to be a tyrant" type of a manager. Needless to say, he caused a lot of harm to everyone around him, including yours truly. I spent a lot of time, dissecting him, so I could outthink him, outmaneuver him, and outsmart him!

Ten years later, I was living in the United States, watching a recorded seminar filmed in Los Angeles. Suddenly, my old tyrant of a manager from IBM appeared in the video during the Q&A session! He came up to the front, lined up for a mic, and asked the following question with full Aussie accent: "I am beginning to realize I have bad habits A & B & C & ... what's my next step? where do I go from here? where and how do I start? ..."

I shouted out to the video on my computer: "Good on ya, mate!" (At that moment, my Australian English came right back to me, LOL)

That was such an educational moment for me:

1. In the late 90s, when he was in his mid-30s, he bought into the "proud to be a tyrant" mindset because that was the only information available to him at the time

2. He enjoyed the short-term benefits of being a tyrant, for a while, but it eventually caught up to him, and that mindset started harming himself too :-(

3. He started feeling the pain himself, and his own pain was his motivation to improve and upgrade his thinking, to upgrade his entire operating system

4. He became so motivated, he paid out of his own pocket to attend that seminar! tuition, flight, hotel, etc. He was so motivated to learn, he had the courage to get up in front of a room full of people, show extreme vulnerability, knowing he is being filmed, and tell the whole world about his shortcomings. That is not weakness; that is pure strength. That is why I shouted out, "Good on ya, mate!"

5. Yes, I was once one of his victims, but it's great to see him overcoming his own limitations, breaking out of the old thinking that was keeping him down, and finally doing the deep work on himself. 

Managers like him are everywhere:

1. They are not all-knowing. As a matter of fact, they are actually ignorant about human dynamics and emotional intelligence. They are simply running bad software that are yet to be upgraded

2. They are not all-powerful. It may seem like they hate you and have nothing better to do than give you a hard time. In reality, they are just living in fear of the system. There is a little child, scared & confused, hiding inside that adult body :-(

3. They are terrified of losing control. They are not giving your a hard time for their entertainment. They are simply terrified of losing their own fragile grip on authority. Let that sink in. Their ego on the outside, which is what appears to be anger toward you is actually their own deep-rooted insecurity on the inside.

4. Their realization will come, but only on its own terms, in its own time. You cannot force a manager who is proud to be a tyrant to wise up or change for your benefit. They have to encounter their own obstacles and pain first. It took my tyrant of a boss 10 years to reach his breakthrough, but better 10 years than never.

5. You will run into managers good, bad, and ugly. It's like running into a traffic jam - it' a statistical certainty, just like running into bad weather. The weather does what the weather is going to do, and you learn how to deal with it. Ugly managers are going to show up in your life, so you just need to learn how to dissect them, by learning human dynamics, Emotional Intelligence & Emotional Maturity, so you can outthink them, outmaneuver them, and outsmart them!

6. No one was born with this skill - it must be learned. Those who know it? they learned it. And anyone can learn it! Even a bloody Aussie from Down Under, a once-upon-a-time "proud to be a tyrant" of a manager, can learn it, and turn his situation 180 for himself!

Never waste the opportunity offered by a good crisis 

There are all sorts of companies, all sorts of managers, and all sorts of employees - the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's a statistical certainty that you will run into all of them. It's completely unrealistic to expect or demand that you only get to work with the good ones, and never the bad ones or the ugly ones.

When you do run into those ugly ones, utilize the situation to your favor as a "golden opportunity" for your own learning and to develop yourself to the next level. To build your mental muscle, think of it as "going to the gym."

On one of my very first corporate jobs, before IBM, I ran into my first micromanager, and she was in my way. I said to myself: "Michael, Michael, Michael, if you cannot handle her, how can you handle anything bigger? If you want to go places, you will run into obstacles bigger than her." So, I just "practiced Tai Chi" on her, LOL. Basically, I used her own energy against her. I made her realize that I knew what I was doing, that she was wasting her own time micromanaging me, and that her time was best spent elsewhere. When left alone, I did good work, and my good work made her look great in front of her boss. As a result, she thinks highly of me! And that is how you utilize the golden opportunity offered by a good crisis. You create a "win/win," not a "lose/lose," LOL.